Stand Up and Say Something

“Please, Stand Up and Say Something”

As it is with most of us over fifty years of age, we are attending more and more funerals. I’ve had a pet peeve with the final service at the funeral home the morning of the funeral. I should say I have a pet peeve with those close to the one who has passed.

The service and the prayers are always done very well with grace and dignity. The families are usually nicer to each other than they have been for years; all very proper and in good taste.

The real tragedy, other than the death itself, is when the presiding God person asks for people to say something, anything about the individual, its rare anyone does. I’ve observed only about half the time will a family member even offer a eulogy.

My wife and I had the sad occasion of attending our sister-in-laws mothers’ funeral two days ago. Deb’s mom and I had passing conversations a few times at family gatherings over the years, but I had little memory or knowledge of the type of person she was throughout her life.

On this occasion her son gave a better than average eulogy. And because of his words we learned she was a young go getter as a young lady, she was a great cook and enjoyed serving others. There were two daughters who offered not one word. This is the last and more than likely the only time in their lives to publicly praise this lovely lady and their mother. I don’t fault them, it’s incredibly hard to do under the emotional circumstances; thus the motivation to write this. I’m planting seeds to empower my readers to “Say Something” when the occasion presents itself.

I have to hand it to the Priest; he asked for others to speak and just waited. He waited, and waited as a long uncomfortable silence fell over the room. He waited; finally a woman stood and spoke. She offered her insight as to what it was like to be befriended by the deceased and her family when visiting their home. She expressed how much she felt a part of the family anytime she visited and just how much she would miss those occasions. It was so obvious the comfort and pleasure this brought to family and friends. Every other person in the room was grateful to the self appointed spokesperson for taking them off the hook. How beautiful it would have been if others would have joined the celebration of her life.

She was nervous I’m sure; but the hundred or so people who were there now knew much more about this fine woman and, I for one, had more empathy and felt closer to her than if the woman had stayed silent. What an honor bestowed on a woman who gave to her family and community over seventy years of life.

Her boldness gave one daughter the confidence to stand and pour out her heart. She told just what it would be like not to have the ability to talk with her mom. She explained how her mom was there at the birth of all her children and how it motivated her to do the same for her children. It was wonderful, she had joined the celebration of her mother’s life; a round of Kleenex please.

Do we all sit in silence because we’re afraid of showing emotion? Do we really believe we need to be some great orator in order to express what we feel about our family or friend? We must get over it; it’s not about you or me, it’s about taking the last public opportunity to express to those in attendance what this individual meant to us and our lives. It truly is about celebrating life, an individuals life; one who walked this planet that had impact in ours.

We need to gather our emotions and stand up and say something the next time we have the opportunity.

CW